


Werewolf seduction

by imera



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-12
Updated: 2012-09-07
Packaged: 2017-11-13 18:06:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imera/pseuds/imera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Severus refuses to be fooled a third time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a challenge called ‘Tears pour down my cheeks’ that was hosted by Heart of Spellz on FF.net . The challenge was to write a story to make her cry. I allowed her to choose my pairing and she chose two I never thought of writing about at that time. This is what she said about my entry, that won 1st place :D “The tears came from nowhere while I was reading this and took me completely by surprise. This is an incredibly stong, emotional piece that sends you on a ride where you experience just about every emotion you could possibly imagine. Again, I recommend reading this. Congratulations, imera!”
> 
> There are three quotes in this story. The first is by Elias Canetti 'All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.' I could not find who the second belongs to ‘Our world is at it's end. Somehow, I thought it'd be easier than this.’ And the third is by Aldous Huxley 'Several excuses are always less convincing than one.'

Severus sat on the hard floor, his knees hugged against his chest and a large book hovering in front of him. With a flick of his wand the page turned and he continued reading. He had been sitting there in the same position for so long that, whenever someone passed the section he was in, he wouldn't even bother to look up; he knew by previous experience that nobody would bother him since everyone thought he was a freak.

So, when a young boy - whom Severus had tried to avoid for the last week - stopped by the end of the shelves, Severus didn't realize it until it was too late. It was only when Remus Lupin walked towards did he decide to look up.

Clumsily and hurriedly, Severus pushed himself up off of the floor and made to get away from Remus, only to knock over a few books that he had stacked up beside him earlier. Desperately he tried to put as much space between him and the boy, who Severus had just recently discovered was a werewolf.

"Don't worry, Snape," Remus said calmly, "I won't hurt you." It was just too bad that Severus wasn't really listening to him. Instead Severus was trying to find a way out from the dead end, only to be pressed against the corner when Remus approached him further.

"I didn't tell anyone," Severus gushed out frantically, hoping the werewolf would leave him alone.

"Snape, listen to me; I don't want to hurt you. You're safe now. I just want to talk to you." Severus stared at Remus for what seemed like forever. He just couldn't comprehend why the werewolf only wanted to talk.

It must be a trap, he thought suddenly, but he won't succeed. Determined to fight for all he was worth, Severus stood up straight and gave the werewolf the meanest glare he could muster.

"I...I'm not afraid of you," Severus said, attempting a cold, fearless tone. However, no sooner had he gathered up all the courage he could muster, his audacity vanished as the werewolf smiled a most chilling smile; the toothy grin sent a cold, unpleasant vibe through Severus' body.

"I just want to talk," Remus repeated.

"But I don't want to," Severus said lowly. He tried to walk around Remus, but the other boy refused to let him pass, and when Severus daringly tried to push him aside, he didn't even budge. His hand was still resting on the werewolf's shoulder when a second cold shiver passed through him. Almost like he had been burned he pulled his hand back. At that, Remus' smile only seemed to increase and for a second Severus thought Remus enjoyed the effect he had on him; not that he was sure what kind of effect it was.

Suddenly Remus lifted his hand and it looked as though he was about to touch Severus. Shocked by the sudden movement, Severus jumped backwards and crashed into the wall behind him.

"Don't hurt yourself," Remus said softly. Severus stared at the werewolf and wondered why he appeared to care about him; he never did or said anything when Sirius and James were bullying him. Again Remus lifted his hand, and again Severus tried to move away again, but this time there was nowhere to move to; his back was already pressed against the wall.

Severus flinched as the boy's hand slowly and gently came into contact with his cheek against his will.

"Exquisite," Remus whispered as he softly caressed Severus' cheek.

Severus couldn't prevent a gasp from escaping his lips. Remus' touch was so soft and caring... nobody had ever touched him that way; not even Lilly. Scared, Severus looked over to the end of the shelves to see if Sirius and James were hiding there, but it appeared they were completely alone.

Then suddenly Remus moved forward until their lips touched; Severus was stiff from the shock and couldn't do anything but stare at Remus, who had his eyes closed in what looked like a blissful slumber.

When the kiss ended, Severus was still staring at Remus, who was now staring at Severus hungrily. For the second time, Remus leaned forward to kiss Severus, but this time Severus reacted before their lips touched. Brutally he pushed Remus backwards, rather surprised that he'd managed to move the boy since only a minute ago Remus wasn't affected by Severus' force.

They stared at each other for a long time before Remus finally moved. He took a step backwards and smiled, and Severus suddenly felt unadulterated rage passing through him as he stared at Remus. Did Lupin really think he could do whatever he wanted?

"If you touch me again, you... you mutt, I'll kill you." This time, Severus didn't try to hide the nervousness in his voice - he knew Remus wasn't stupid and could see through him. Remus looked at Severus, and for a second Severus thought he saw something akin to pain in Remus' eyes, but that quickly faded into something Severus had just witnessed a few minutes prior: hunger. That was when Severus feared Remus might want to turn him. "If you bite me I'll kill you," he said shakily.

"Do you really think I want to bite you?" Remus said in a tone that made Severus believe Remus found him disgusting, which confused Severus because he was the one trying to kiss Severus. "I wouldn't wish this curse upon anyone, especially not you."  
"Why not?" Severus asked before he could stop himself. "You and your friends always look for new ways to make my life as miserable as possible. Poisoning me with lycanthropy sounds like something you would do."

"I'm not like them, Snape."

"You're just like them!" Severus shouted, surprised at his own reaction. Calming his voice down he continued. "The fact that you did nothing to stop them makes you just like them."

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. For several seconds the two boys stood in absolute silence, until Remus seemed to snap out of his thoughts. "You're right; I'm just as bad, if not worse than them." And suddenly Severus felt awful about what he'd just accused Remus of, especially since he'd just discovered the curse Remus had managed to keep a secret.

"I'm sorry," Severus managed to croak out before he tried to walk around the werewolf to gather his books. Before he had a chance to pick up more than two books, however, Remus' hands stopped him. Severus didn't have a chance to scream or say anything as Remus twirled him around until they were facing each other. For a few seconds Severus' heart stopped, and then his whole body suddenly exploded like a volcano when Remus pushed his mouth against his. Both the books he had managed to grab fell to the floor as Severus grabbed Remus' collar for support. As soon as Severus made some contact with Remus, the werewolf pushed his tongue into Severus' mouth, softly massaging his tongue.

Severus' body suddenly felt heavy, and he felt himself being lowered down to the cold stone floor. He was still light headed from the kiss and didn't realize what was happening until he felt a heavy body press down over his own scrawny frame. A hand was crawling up beneath Severus' shirt and caressing his sallow, pale skin, and when Remus started to kiss Severus down his neck Severus couldn't help moaning. It was only when that sound escaped him that Remus stopped.

"Oh, Severus..." Hearing his name on the werewolf's tongue shocked Severus, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or hated it. Remus was, after all, the friend of Sirius Black and James Potter, the two boys that had bullied him since the day he'd first arrived at Hogwarts. Remus rarely did anything to him, but then again, he never really tried to stop his friends. While Severus knew he himself wasn't entirely innocent during the years of animosity between himself and the Marauders, he knew wasn't the one who started the whole feud.

Suddenly Severus felt extremely dirty where he lay beneath the werewolf, and it wasn't because he was on the floor. Severus looked up at Remus and saw the same hunger in his eyes as before, but now he knew it wasn't because the boy wanted to turn him. Desperately he tried to push Remus off him again, and this time Remus barely moved.

"Get off me," Severus managed to growl out before he lost his voice. Remus stared at Severus for a few more seconds before he finally obliged and moved off of him. As quickly as he could, Severus stood up, ignoring Remus' hand that offered his help. Hastily Severus gathered his books and stood up. He was just about to leave the werewolf when he was stopped by a strong arm around his skinny wrist, but this time Severus refused to let Remus be the one in control.

"Release me."

"Severus, please," Remus begged. Severus turned around and stared at Remus, happy that he didn't have that hungry look from before.

"No, you humiliated me, molested me and you'll probably go and tell your friends about what you did," Severus spat.

"Please listen to me, I won't tell anyone about this," Remus implored. Severus desperately tried to twist his wrist out of the werewolf's grip but the other boy was far too strong for him. "This will stay between us. I promise."

Severus stared at Remus, unsure of what to say. For a second he thought the werewolf really wouldn't tell anyone, but then he remembered who his friends were and doubted he would keep anything from them.

"Release me," he said one last time. They continued to stare at each other before Remus finally relaxed his grip on Severus' wrist.

Even after he was released Severus continued to stare at Remus, until the werewolf smiled warmly at him. Almost like Remus' smile snapped him back to reality Severus ran from the library, never looking back. He felt horrible; his body was sweating and his heart hurt, and he found he was desperately fighting the urge to turn around and run into the arms of the werewolf again.

When he reached his dormitory Severus closed his eyes and started to breathe deeply, hoping the pain around his heart would vanish. How could I have been such a fool? Allowing that werewolf to touch me that way, to kiss me, and to say my name like that... Severus felt disgusted with himself. How could I've allowed myself to have been humiliated that way? When his body relaxed again he went to take a cold shower; ,mentally he might have hated what Remus did to him, but his traitorous body loved it.

-o-

Severus saw Remus a few times after the incident in the library, but Remus didn't dare to do anything when his friends were near. At least James seemed to act nicer towards Severus; of course, it might be because he had saved Severus from certain death, but it also might be because he didn't want Severus to tell anyone about his friend's secret. Sirius was, naturally, different; he couldn't care less if Severus was killed by a werewolf.

The next time he and Remus met alone was in the middle of the night. Severus had just left the library and was carrying a pile of six heavy books when the werewolf appeared out from behind a statue. Normally Severus would have been on guard and would manage to have kept some control, but he'd thought the short trip from the library to the dungeons was safe enough to let his guard down. Shocked by the sudden attack he stumbled backwards and dropped his books. It wasn't until he was sitting on the floor that he realized it was only Remus.

Again Severus looked around to see if Sirius would jump out any minute and laugh at him, but nobody else was there and nobody was laughing. Instead Remus ran over to him and tried to help him up, to Severus' annoyance.

"Don't touch me!" he barked at the werewolf, annoyed that he had just attacked him like that.

"Stop being so proud, Severus," Lupin said through a silly grin.

"And don't call me that."

"Why not? It is your name."

"My name is reserved for friends only, and last time I checked we are most certainly not friends." Severus stood up and stared at Remus, annoyed that the werewolf would not leave him alone.

"What must I do to change that?" Remus asked curiously; clearly he didn't like what Severus just told him.

"You could leave me alone," Severus quipped. He knew that Remus wouldn't just leave, but that didn't stop him from trying.

"And never do this?" Remus said while pulling Severus into his embrace and kissing his neck. Severus gasped out in shock before he moaned, shocking himself. I hate him, I hate the effect the werewolf has on my body, and I hate the fact that this werewolf wants me; if he did indeed want him. For all Severus' paranoid mind knew, it could all be a trap to lure him into deeper humiliation.

Severus pushed at Remus but the teenagers hands would not loosen around his waist. Desperately he tried again, this time pleading Remus to release him.

"I want you, Severus," Remus moaned out between his kisses. Severus couldn't help blushing; nobody had ever told him they wanted him, not even his parents. While he knew his mother loved him, in her own way, she never told him that.

Suddenly he felt himself being picked up like he weighed nothing at all and was carried into the closest classroom. Severus would have fought Remus but he was almost hypnotized by the kisses Remus planted on his neck and jaw line. When they entered the classroom Remus placed Severus on the closest desk.

Again Severus felt a hand crawl beneath his shirt, and this time the hand travelled high enough till it reached a sensitive nipple. When the fingers slowly caressed the nipple Severus almost screamed out in ecstasy. Remus took that as a good sign and continued to massage his nipple until he found something more interesting to play with. Severus already thought he would die from the soft caressing of his nipples, so when Remus managed to get his hand beneath the elastic band of his underwear Severus thought he had died and gone to heaven.

"No." Severus suddenly heard; he thought the voice belonged to Remus at first so he was surprised when he realized it was he who had said it.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked him while slowly running his fingers through Severus' dark pubic hairs.

"I... I don't know." And that was true; Severus had no idea what he wanted. He did of course want Remus to continue, but he had no idea what the boy wanted from him, and he didn't want to agree only because he hadn't felt someone touch him like that.

"Would you know if I continued doing this?" Suddenly Remus pushed his hand down Severus' pants and started to play with his cock. Severus cried out in pleasure and let himself fall down on the desk. While Remus' hand was giving Severus something he had never felt before his tongue was caressing every piece of flesh around Severus' neck.

Suddenly Severus' moans became louder and he grabbed Remus' arm, and with a scream he came in Remus' hand and his own pants. While Severus tried to catch his breath Remus continued to kiss the sensitive skin beneath his ear.

"Next time, Severus, I would love to make love to you." Hearing Remus say that sent electricity through his body until his cock started to twitch. Severus thought he wouldn't be able to move a muscle after what he had just been through, so when he managed to stand up he was just as shocked as Remus. But his triumph was short lived when his knees suddenly gave in and he fell down to the floor.

Remus moved quickly and helped Severus up before he could protest, not that he thought he was able to fight the werewolf in the condition he was in. When they were standing up Severus found himself leaning on Remus with his arms around his neck. Silently he curse himself for being so weak around the werewolf, but at least now he knew Remus would try something like this a second time, and that time he would prepare himself.

"Release me," Severus demanded tiredly.

"You're the one who is holding me, Severus," Remus said through a chuckle.

Severus didn't need to open his eyes to know that Remus wasn't lying; he could feel the strong muscles beneath his hands. Severus continued to stay like that for another minute before he finally released Remus and stood up by himself. When their eyes met again Severus blushed; quickly he turned around and was about to leave when once again Remus stopped him by grabbing his arm.

Without a fight Severus stopped, but he didn't turn around to face Remus, and Remus didn't do anything to force Severus. The silence between them seemed to say a lot; Remus understood that Severus didn't completely hate him, and Severus knew that Remus wasn't trying to hurt him. Softly Remus caressed Severus' arm with his thumb; even if he wanted to keep the Slytherin with him Remus released him and they parted.

-o-

After the incident in the Transfiguration class, Severus was constantly on guard for an attack from the werewolf. But after two weeks where Remus didn't do anything, Severus realised he could walk around with his ears perked up all the time, so he gradually started to lessen his guard. Then, one random day, he was ambushed by someone in the hallway; he didn't need to see his attacker in order to know who it was - the strength in the hands that were clasped over his mouth and around his waist were enough information for him to know that it was Remus.

"Release me you dirty wolf!" Severus shouted when Remus finally removed his hand from Severus' mouth. The werewolf had dragged him into an unknown room, and, feeling rather nervous as well as angry, Severus jerked away from Remus' grip and searched for an exit. However, everywhere where he turned he couldn't see the door. "What have you done with the door?"

Remus looked quite pleased with himself, something Severus found incredibly annoying. Quickly he found his wand and pointed it towards the werewolf, knowing all too well what Remus wanted to do to him.

"You said you didn't want to hurt me, yes?" Severus asked rhetorically. "Then let me leave this room unharmed."

"I did say I wouldn't hurt you, and I stick by what I said; I won't hurt you."

"You said that next time you would…" Suddenly his voice got caught in his throat and he found it difficult to breathe, let alone form a coherent sentence.

"I said that I would make love to you, I know," Remus finished. "But if you think that making love is painful then you misunderstand the whole act."

"That doesn't matter; I don't want to do anything with you," Severus said awkwardly.

Remus smiled softly while he slowly walked towards Severus, ignoring the wand that was still shakily pointing at him. Severus watched Remus with interest, knowing that he could blast the werewolf into the wall if he chose to, but the curses never appeared on his tongue.

"Are you sure, Severus?" And with a quick movement Remus pressed Severus' wand arm into the wall while kissing him down his neck. Severus knew he'd lost back when Remus had started to walk towards him with that look in his eyes, but he firmly and mentally told himself that he would stand his ground against the boy.

But before Severus could start standing up for himself, he realised with a start that he'd dropped his wand and heard it rattle against the cold stone floor, and while a small part of him wanted to pick it up again, that part was lost when Remus started to nibble on his neck. Remus suddenly pulled Severus with him into the middle of the room, or so Severus guessed since his eyes were still closed. Then before Severus could comprehend, Remus was slowly laying him down, and to Severus' shock he felt something soft beneath his back.

That was when he woke up from his trance and realized how far they really had gone. He stared at Remus who seemed to be unaffected by the fact that a bed had magically appeared in the room, but Severus knew the werewolf was excellent at transfiguration so it shouldn't really shock him.

"No, get off," Severus barked at Remus, his logical mind overpowering his lust, but he only received a sweet and caring smile back. "Let go of me, I don't want this!" Severus continued when Remus didn't release him.

"Why?"

"Because this is wrong; you're friends with the two people who have made my school life hell." Remus suddenly released Severus, but he didn't remove his weight from him so Severus was still being somewhat held down. He elaborated. "Because you're a bloody wolf and because you almost killed me the other day." Severus wasn't stupid and knew that Remus couldn't really help the animal instincts that took over his body once he was turned, but that didn't mean he should just accept it. "And because you are basically raping me."

"Several excuses are always less convincing than one," was Remus' reply. Angry at the werewolf, Severus slapped him. Suddenly he realized just how much of a woman he actually was; humiliated, he closed his eyes and turned his face away from Remus. "I care for you Severus," Remus said while kissing Severus' exposed skin. "I want you in so many ways."

Severus knew he shouldn't let himself be fooled by Remus but he couldn't help the heat from spreading through his body when he knew he was wanted. He knew he would regret it someday, but - despite all he had said - right then he just couldn't care less; he doubted anyone would ever want him the same way Remus wanted him. Slowly turning his head around he ended up kissing Remus passionately.

That was the day Severus let himself be led by Remus. It was the first day he had ever let anyone touch him the way Remus did and it was the first day of many nights together.

-o-

Severus knew their relationship wouldn't last; they didn't stand a chance against the endless number of reasons for why a relationship between them should last. Severus knew everything would end at some point, but the reason for why they ended was not something he had been expecting; the real reason hurt deeper than anything Sirius or James could have said or done to him.

They had been seeing each other secretly for two months, always in the same room, always in the same bed, and always at the same time. Through the day Severus would completely ignore Remus, not only because they wanted to keep their relationship a secret but because they didn't want to have mixed feelings when they got together. Severus always congratulated himself on how well he managed to keep any emotions away during the day; after all, it was just sex with someone that actually liked his pale body, his big hooked nose and his constantly greasy hair.

It was late at night after their love making and Remus pulled Severus into a tight embrace; sometimes they would stay like that for a long time in silence, other times they would talk, and once in a while they fell asleep only to wake up in the morning when the sunlight warmed their skin, or when the bright light of morning would glow against their closed eyelids.

"Severus," Remus said after they just made love. Severus, who was starting to doze off, was snapped back to reality.

"Yes," he mumbled.

"Tonight is our last night together." Severus' eyes shot open as he realized what Remus just told him; he knew the end would come, but he thought it wouldn't be until the end of school.

Suddenly he felt sick; and somewhere deep inside his body he started to hurt. The hurt was so deep and painful that he thought he would die right there and then. It just felt like his whole world had shattered beneath him.

He was glad he wasn't facing Remus because at that moment his eyes started to burn, and before he could control himself, unwanted tears started to pour out of them. But he refused to wipe them away; he did not want to let Remus know just how much he really hurt.

He tried his best to stop the tears from escaping his eyes but knew it was a lost battle; instead he directed his concentration over to his body that was slowly starting to tremble. He thought he might manage to control his emotions but when Remus started to stroke his arm he lost it; all the hurt and pain poured out of him. Remus said something and kissed his neck, but Severus hadn't bothered to listen to him; not that he could when his head almost exploded from the pressure of holding back the tears that still escaped him. Severus quickly closed his eyes as hard as he could; trying to block out Remus' burning touch on his bare skin.

Quite suddenly, his heart started to hurt more than it already did, and his hand flew up to his chest where he pressed hard over his heart, hoping it would calm his breaking heart. But he didn't care if it shattered into millions of pieces; he had nothing left to live for. When he lost Lily to James only a month ago the only happy thought was that at least he had Remus. Without Remus he had nothing left to live for; he'd already been left by all the people he'd ever cared for.

"Leave," he ordered, surprised that he still had a voice. For a few seconds nothing happened, but soon enough the warm body of Remus detached itself from Severus' emotionally broken one.

Severus tried his best to ignore Remus so that the breakup would be as painless as possible, but either Remus had no idea how to avoid more heartbreaks or he wanted Severus to hurt.

"I left you this pendant; I hope you will never forget how wonderful our time has been together." Remus stared at Severus for a few seconds, waiting for some kind of response. "Please, Severus, say something," the werewolf begged.

"My world is at it's end," Severus managed to say after he took a deep breath. "Somehow I thought it'd be easier than this." Remus stared at Severus who still refused to look up at him, and after a long silence he finally left the room.

When Remus was gone Severus closed his eyes and let all the sadness he held back gush out of him. As the tears escaped his sore eyes he felt his body grow weak, and in the end he fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

-o-

When Severus woke up the next morning it felt like the whole world had crashed; his heart still hurt and he wanted to die. But even with the pain eating at him he felt calm in a way that he couldn't quite explain... It was almost like his emotions were gone and had left him as empty as a shell.

Knowing that he couldn't spend the whole day in bed he slowly got dressed, but while he sat stiffly on the edge of the bed he remembered the gift Remus left him. Quickly he turned around and stared at the opposite side of the bed. There, against the white bed sheets, lay a golden pendant. At first he wanted to crawl across the bed to take a closer look, but quickly decided to ignore it until it was time to leave the room; even if he was alone he didn't want to seem too eager.

When he was done dressing he continued to stay calm, and slowly he made his way around the bed to retrieve the pendant. But when he was standing in front of it, his heart once again started to hurt and he felt extremely sick. Nervously he ran his fingers through his lank, greasy hair, only to be painfully reminded how Remus didn't mind his hair. After what seemed like forever he finally picked it up, staring at it nervously as he waited for it to burst into flames or kill him, but it was an ordinary pendant with no magical powers.

While it didn't seem to have any hidden magical powers it contained something that hurt Severus just as much; it contained memories. Sweet memories of their time together, memories of their fights and conversations, memories of their love making, memories of how Remus would run his hand over Severus's back when they rested afterwards.

Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his palm, and when he looked down he noticed that he had been holding the pendant so hard that the sharp edges had left indents in his skin.

Severus stared at the pendant with an intense glare, realizing only then that the decoration on the front was a werewolf. Suddenly he felt a pain so deep that he thought his soul had shattered; the pendant would never let him forget Remus.

It wasn't until later that day he realized just why Remus broke it off with him, and again he felt the horrible pain drive through his already broken body. He watched intensely as Remus threw himself into the embrace of Sirius. Tears poured down his face as he watched them kiss, and when he saw Remus laugh at something Sirius said his whole world shattered.

The Slytherin suddenly felt his whole world spin around him and before he knew it his knees had buckled and he was on the floor, tears forcing their way out of his eyes as he realized just what had happened. The pain was unbearable. Suddenly Severus felt the need to get away from everything, from everybody, and especially from Remus; he needed to get as far away as possible.

He ran for a long time through the school, and when he finally stopped he realized he had reached the owlery. He looked over the banister and realized just how far up he actually was. He turned his head up to the sky and closed his eyes and before he really knew what was happening he'd climbed over the banister, his eyes still closed.

He was broken, his world had shattered, and the one simple thing he had wanted had left him, killed him. Jumping would be the only way to release him from such pain, it was the only way. He only needed to let go of the banister, let go of it the same way Remus had carelessly released him. He breathed hard, feeling the sharp corners of the pendant dig into his chest. He thought that maybe it would be easier to carry the pendant like that, close to his skin, but it only seemed to make things more difficult for him as it was a constant reminder of Remus.

The weight of the pendant seemed to pull him away from the banister, and closer to peace. In the end only two fingers were holding him to the world he once thought he knew; the world that had never been kind to him.

He really did want to let go and feel the air caress his body until he hit the ground, but he could never bring himself to release the banister; he wasn't as weak as that. Quickly he jumped back and headed down to his room. At least the short death wish had cleared his mind; he knew then that he didn't want to let Remus win like that. Severus was strong, it was time to take his life in his own hands, and he would make sure nobody would ever get close enough to break him like that; ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

The years passed and Severus' determination of never being hurt came true; sixteen years he had managed to stay strong and single. But those sixteen years felt like minutes when he saw him again.

All of the pain rushed back and he cursed his senses when he saw the scared man who was slowly making his way over to Severus, smiling modestly while holding out his hand to greet him. Severus suddenly found it difficult to breathe as he was reminded of the nights they'd spent together as teenagers. Automatically his thoughts also travelled to the pendant that was resting safely on his chest as a reminder to never let anyone in. He knew it was foolish of him to have kept the pendant all those years; but he needed to remind himself that everything and everybody he cared for would leave him in the end.

Severus never thought it would be painful to see the other man again. He really did believe that time would have healed all of his old wounds. Snorting at Remus' attempt to greet him, he ignored the handshake and greeting, and made a resolution to expose Remus Lupin as the creature he really was, even if Albus had forbade him.

To Severus' annoyance, that wasn't the only day Remus tried to heal the history between them. The morning after the first full moon, Remus tried to thank Severus for the wolfsbane personally, but Severus saw him coming and left quickly. Slowly the days turned into weeks and Remus still hadn't had the opportunity to talk with Severus in private.

But in the end Remus did manage to ambush him; the werewolf grabbed Severus and pushed him into the cold castle wall. Severus knew then that there was no way out of Remus' strong grip, and suddenly Severus felt like the seventeen year old boy again, held against his will by someone who was stronger than him.

"I'm not letting you get away this time, dear Severus," Remus murmured. Severus hoped with all his heart that Remus was just trying to make fun of him, that he was mocking him, because it would be worse if he had to get over a second heartbreak.

"Release me," Severus growled.

"It feels like I have been through this before, do you remember what happened last time?" Severus found it difficult to talk or think. He knew he should try to escape Remus' grip but he couldn't help but want to give into Remus' warm touch again.

"I can't do this, Remus, please release me." Severus cursed at himself for being so weak. Anyone who knew them would be shocked at Remus' determination and Severus' weakness; but since nobody did see them, Remus continued. And this time he didn't waste any time. Brutally he smashed his lips against Severus', and when Severus finally melted in his touch Remus pulled him into a vacant classroom and transfigurated one of the desks into a bed. Severus didn't have time to be amazed at Remus' power before the werewolf pulled him down on the bed into a hot make out session.

Slowly, clothes began to disappear as the kissing proceeded. Severus still didn't feel great about his body but he wasn't as ashamed of it now as he was when he was younger, so he didn't try to hide his naked skin. Then suddenly Remus saw the pendant that was resting around Severus' neck. Without hesitation he picked it up and stared at it, unsure what to say at first. But then he kissed it before he gave Severus a soft kiss as well.

Remus continued to undress both of them until they were both completely naked, and slowly he kissed his way down to Severus' cock. With his mouth and tongue he made Severus want to die from pleasure, always bringing him close enough to the edge but never allowing him to come. If Severus didn't know Remus he might have thought the man was trying to torture him.

Soon after that Remus started to prepare Severus for something the man hadn't felt in a long time, and before he knew it Remus crawled on top of Severus and pushed inside of him. Severus let out a pain-filled moan as Remus moved, it was painful but he knew the pleasure would come soon.

And then the painful gasps turned into pleasure moans until Severus dug his fingers in Remus' back and came.

When he was done he fell down on the bed exhausted, Remus quickly lay down next to him and held him tightly in his embrace just like he did when they were young.

"You kept the pendant," Remus whispered into Severus's ear. Severus closed his eyes tightly and tried to ignore the pain rushing through his body; if Remus only knew why he had kept it he wouldn't have felt so honoured. Deciding that the werewolf didn't need to know the true reason he answered with a simple yes.

All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams, Severus repeated in his mind. He was awake but he knew well enough it was all just a dream, and one day he would wake up completely and Remus would be gone. He lay like that for a long time, trying to decide if he wanted to wake up or not; he knew it would all end one day but he would always want Remus.

-o-

The months passed and Severus found it more and more difficult to want to wake up. He wanted to continue living in his dream with Remus until he died. But as much as he wanted to stay with Remus he didn't stop trying to sabotage him and expose his secret; Severus still wanted him gone. Maybe then he would come to his senses and see their relationship for what it really was; nothing but an illusion.

When they weren't together Severus tried to act as normal as possible. Sometimes he found it easy but other times he thought he would die from the lack of touch from the werewolf; and that made him sick to his bones. That was why when he finally woke up from the wonderful dream it stung even more than he could have thought at first.

Severus waited in his office for Remus to pick up the potion before his transformation, but the man never showed. Nervous over the fact that the full moon was creeping up fast he took the potion and went up to Remus' office, only to find it vacant. He was about to leave the office to search for Remus when he noticed a piece of parchment on Remus' desk. He made his way over and realized it was some kind of magical map.

He saw a pair of footprints with the name Remus Lupin attached to them quickly head over to the Whomping Willow before they disappeared. Severus wasn't a fool and knew exactly where the werewolf had vanished. Quickly he ran towards the tree where his life was at stake once before, hoping that he could reach Remus before it was too late.

Once he was standing outside the old tree he noticed a cloak on the ground. He instantly realized what it was and picked it up before making his way into the willow; the invisibility cloak would undoubtedly come in handy. As he reached the shrieking shack he heard voices and he instantly knew Remus wasn't alone. Hiding beneath the cloak with his wand drawn he quietly made his way into the shack. When he saw how many were actually in the room, and who those people were, he was shocked: inside the Shrieking Shack stood Remus Lupin, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger and - he bit back his snarl of angry - Sirius Black. Not wanting to expose himself just yet he continued to stay quiet and hidden.

Silently he listened to Remus' story about their past, feeling angry at Remus for portraying him like a weak teenager. But Severus continued to stay hidden until he just couldn't take it anymore. When Harry asked if the reason for why he hated Remus was because he discovered he was a werewolf he decided to break the silence.

"That's right," Severus snarled while removing the cloak, pointing his wand at Remus, who was just as shocked to see him as the rest of them. For a second he wanted to hex Remus, but then he remembered Sirius and how satisfying it would be to be the one that that sent him back to Azkaban.

Slowly he thanked Harry for the cape and told them about the map he found before Remus interrupted him. Severus refused to let that man take control so he quickly continued, ignoring the fear in the students' eyes. Annoyingly Remus still managed to interrupt him, telling him that Sirius wasn't after Potter, not that Severus was interested in listening to him. In the end Severus did a thing he had wanted to do in a long time; he tied Remus up.

Sirius of course couldn't take it and tried to attack Severus, but Severus was too fast and managed to point his wand right between Sirius' eyes, daring Sirius to give him a reason to kill him.

Severus thought he finally had Sirius. All it would take was for the man to lose control for only one second and he would have his revenge; but then suddenly Granger interrupted them. Annoyed at the stupid school girl he shouted at her while preparing a hex for the man who had made sure his school days were nothing but a nightmare.

After his fit of anger, Black shocked him by suggesting they all head back to the school, but Severus refused. He wanted the man gone from the face of the earth. When he finally told Sirius about his plan to hand him over to the Dementors he couldn't help but smile at the pale face before him. Quickly he ordered Sirius to walk while he was pulling the magically tied up Remus. But of course things never go as planned when the great Harry Potter is in the room. As a sign of his foolish Gryffindor bravery he ran and blocked the door, and to make things even more difficult for him Harry refused to listen.

When Harry shouted back at him he just couldn't help but snap; suddenly he saw only red as Harry yelled out how pathetic he thought Severus was and how he should just let go of his past.

He was just about to walk towards Potter when suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his chest, and before he knew it everything went dark.

-o-

The next time he woke up he found himself on the ground outside of Hogwarts, and the only other person around was the youngest Weasley boy; who was still alive. Severus didn't need to wonder about what happened, the answer was exceedingly obvious; Harry Potter.

He stared up at the sky and tried to ignore the fear of what could have happened while he was unconscious when he saw the moon. If he knew the Potter boy as well as he thought, then he would have run after the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher in hope of turning him back. Quickly he made his way towards the forest, annoyed that he would end up saving the boy once again.

At first Severus thought the boy was lost; the forest was so big and he had no idea how far Potter might have gone. Luckily the doubt vanished when he saw a bright light coming from the depth of the woods. As he made his way towards the light he noticed the Dementors. Severus started to panic as he thought the Dementors might come after him, but he hadn't even started to call on his patronus when he realized they were fleeing from the location. Severus knew then what the light was and quickly made his way towards the source. But when he finally reached the location the light was gone and three humans were laying unconscious on the ground. Quickly he looked around to see if Remus was around, but he was nowhere to be heard or seen. Cursing over Harry's stupid behaviour Severus found his wand and started to prepare Harry, Hermione and Sirius for their trip back to Hogwarts.

When the night was finally coming to an end he thought he would see Remus again, but he had to wait longer than that before he could tell the scarred face exactly what he was feeling. When he finally had the chance to see Remus it was late at night when the sun was starting to set, sending a warm glow over the castle. Severus quickly walked over to Remus' office and knocked; while he waited he searched his pocket for the pendant he once used to remind himself of the pain he would be in if he ever entered another relationship. He should have fought harder, but he'd foolishly let Remus into his heart a second time. What a fool he had been; not only had his heart been broken once before but the same man had broken it years later.

The door flung open and the men stared at each other. Severus could see that Remus hadn't had an easy night, not that he cared about his health in a time like that.

"Come in," Remus said with a soft smile on his lips. Severus found it annoying that the man seemed to ignore Severus' bad mood. "Severus," the werewolf started, only to be interrupted by Severus.

"I don't want to hear it. You obviously found a reason to be with Black, just like last time; I should have known that I never stood a chance." Severus was too far gone in his thoughts to realize how much of himself he had actually exposed at that moment. If there was something he didn't want the other man to know, it was how much he actually hurt. "I was against your position here at the school from the beginning, I guess I should have fought harder, maybe then we would all have been spared this pain."

Severus avoided Remus' eyes at all costs while he talked; he knew that if he looked at him he would feel like the seventeen year old boy again; lonely and lost. Then Remus would have that magic touch that would make all the bad things go away; until the dream ended of course.

"I..." he started, only to find it difficult to speak. "This has gone too far, I should have fought harder." His words was lost a second time as he remembered the last night Remus held him and passionately kissed his neck. His heart suddenly started to hurt again just like when he was young, and just like the last time he wanted nothing more than just to die.

He crushed the pendant in his fist so hard that he thought it would break, but he knew by previous experience that human force alone wouldn't destroy the adornment. He lifted the pendant and stared at the wolf on the front which surrounded by tiny, intricate leafs. He had lost count of how many nights he had spent staring at it, wishing that it wasn't a goodbye gift, hoping that if he wished hard enough it would bring Remus back. As he stood before Remus he realized it was all a foolish dream; Remus had never belonged to him.

Slowly he laid the pendant on the table next to him, and almost just as slowly he found his wand and pointed it at the pendant, and with a silent spell he destroyed it.

The only thing that was left was a slightly darker circle where the pendant used to lay.

Severus continued to stare at the empty spot for another few seconds before finally looking up at Remus. When his black eyes met the hazel browns of Remus he wanted to look down in shame, afraid that the man would be angry because he destroyed the gift. But he managed to stay strong.

Quickly Severus turned around and was about to leave the werewolf's office when Remus started to apologize.

"Oh, Severus, I'm really…" Again he didn't have the chance to finish, for Severus interrupted him for the last time.

"Goodbye Remus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I forget, the lines from the Shrieking shack comes from the canon book. It’s not meant to plagiarise, but it worked so well with my story that I decided to keep them (they belong to J.K.R. and are used without her consent, I’m sorry, but no money made whatsoever, so there is no need to flag me or anything like that)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written two years after the first two parts, and like them, it does not have a happy ending.
> 
> This was written for round 7 of daisychain_drab.

Severus knew he would have to face Remus again, but he hoped it wouldn’t be so soon after he left Remus’ office. Not even a month passed before Albus requested of him to join a secret meeting. Severus tried to decline, but the old man would not allow him to hide.

As he entered Grimmauld Place 12 he realised his hands were sweaty and his heart beat faster than normal. He wanted to turn around and leave before anyone saw him, but he was not able to move a muscle. Clenching his fist he looked around the house, glad to see that it had none of the glory he had been told about so many times before.

A door opened somewhere on the second floor and Severus heard someone walking his way. He stared at the stair, wondering who the stranger might be. He would soon get his answer when a familiar man walked down the stairs.

“Snape,” the older Black heir said with a glare.

“Black,” Severus answered. Severus did not like to be in the company of the man that had ruined his life in more ways than he could remember, but there was nothing he could do about it at that moment.

“Come to get your ass beat again by a thirteen year old again?” Severus chose not to answer and walked past him into the kitchen, only to regret his decision when he met Remus. The werewolf looked as shocked as he felt, but he at least did not have to feel sad since Sirius soon joined them.

“Look here Remus, old snivelly wants to join our side, isn’t that heroic of him?” Sirius said in a sarcastic tone. Angry Severus looked at his own feet.

“Can’t you just let him be Sirius?” the werewolf said. Severus did not want the man that broke his heart twice to fight the battles for him, so he lifted his head and gave Sirius the darkest stare he could manage.

“You don’t need to speak for me Lupin, it’s not like I can’t defend myself.” He did not look at Remus as he spoke; he dared not when his heart was still fragile. “It doesn’t surprise me Black still holds a grudge against me, I completely understand how he loathes me since I, a man with a mark on my arm, have been free for a decade while he was locked up.”

“Watch your tongue in my house Snape.” Severus knew Sirius most likely did not like that Severus was in his house, but there was nothing he could do about it. “I can of course see why Dumbledore thinks we can use you, not everyone is willing to sell their soul to a madman. Tell me, what’s the price for a pathetic soul like yours?” Severus did not want to cause any trouble, but he could not help himself and pulled out his wand.

“Men!” Remus called out while moving between them. “This is not the time to fight, not when the world’s safety is at stake, as well as Harry’s.” Severus has learned not to care about the first, and he never did care about the second, which made hexing Sirius that much easier.

“Yes Remus, you’re right, I’m doing this for Harry. But who are you fighting for Snape; your cauldron?” He could have chosen to ignore Sirius, but he did not wish to let him think he had won. With his free hand he pushed Remus out of his way and sent a simple, yet powerful, spell against Sirius and sent him crashing into the wall.

“Severus!” Remus shouted as he ran over to Sirius, who seemed to be unconscious. “Why do you allow yourself to be taunted by his childish games? I thought you had grown up.”

“Black has been a menace since we first met, I’ve always been able to ignore his behaviour.” Severus felt his pulse quicken and had to stop talking.

“Then why didn’t you control yourself now?” The ignorance in Remus’ voice hurt Severus in more ways than he thought possible.

“I was a boy Remus, which you used and disposed as you saw fit. You left me then for this muck, and betrayed me again just a month ago. Do you know just how much pain you have brought upon me? Do you know just how much you broke the first time?” He could see that Remus was not prepared for that question.

Remus did however answer him. “I was just a boy back then, I made a mistake. If I could go back and change it I would.” Severus did not believe him.

“Did you change your mind before or after Black was sentenced?” He felt tears run down his face. “Admit it; you just used me because I was weak. I knew it could probably never last, but I did not think you would simply destroy a boy because of a better offer, a boy who had gone through his life broken.” Severus did not like to complain about his life, but he could not pretend like it was a dance on roses.

“I knew I made a mistake before the death of James and Lilly, I knew it as soon as school was over, but I feared you would not speak to me after what happened.”

“Is this what you tell yourself to feel better? I do not think you know just how much I loved you, how much I’ve suffered. You might think I’ve grown and forgotten, that my scars have healed, but they have not, I’m still bleeding.”

“Severus, what happened in the shack was not what it looked like, I did not go back to him a second time.”

“Save it Lupin, I’m not in the mood to discuss your choices. Tell Albus I went home for a well deserved holiday, and will return a week before school starts. If I’m lucky I’ll have a month left which I can spend without an interruption.” Severus turned around and walked out the kitchen door. He didn’t get very far when he felt a soft hand on his shoulder, stopping him from leaving. Severus knew it was a mistake, that he should walk away from the werewolf before he lost all control, but he could not force himself to go.

“Severus, please don’t do this, I love you.” Severus closed his eyes, wishing Remus could have kept that information to himself. “What happened in the shack was not what it looked like, I was just glad to see an old friend who I believed was the reason behind so much pain.”

Slowly Severus turned around and stared into Remus’ eyes. He wasn’t a fool and saw the young wolf was honest.

When Remus smiled Severus’ heart melted all over again, and for a few seconds he thought maybe they could try again. But then everything was destroyed all over again when Sirius moaned. Remus quickly turned his head and began walking towards his old friend.

Quickly Severus spoke before the werewolf could leave. “You did not hear me when my heart screamed in pain, but you hear him when he makes a pathetic sound.” Remus turned and was about to say something, but Severus beat him to it. “When I get home I’ll find a way to wipe every memory I have of us together, I don’t see the point in going around with this pain anymore, not when I know for a fact that time does not heal all wounds.”

“Severus, please don’t leave, I want to be with you.” As much as Severus wished it was true and they could work through their problems he knew it was not a good idea.

“Bye Remus,” he said, smiling one last time to the man that had been his lover before leaving the house. Right before he disapparated he heard Remus call his name, but it was too late.


End file.
